Khaos Blog - Khutbah Khaos

This is why I've been outta the game for so long.

11/29/2013

MCC

Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu.

WTF.

I apologize for my prolonged departure from the blogosphere, I know you've all pined for me during my absence. But I must confess, it was intentional. It's not because I don't love you. It's because there are a lot of crazy Muslims saying stupid things. I finally decided to post a khutbah critique from my favorite mosque in Chicago. Muslim Community Center, alias, MCC. This acronym can sometimes be misconstrued as a racial slur directed towards the Irish. So don't just throw it around willy nilly.

Mayor Bloomberg reopens Mosques and introduces Weed

7/26/2013

After a month of mosques being shutdown in the New York City Metropolitan area, tempers have cooled and Mayor Bloomberg, having rolled and then successively smoked a joint, realized he was too rash in his decision to enact a mandate that would effectively close all Muslim prayer places down indefinitely.

He realized that Muslims needed to chill, and he knew the best way to help them.

His new policy is to create a Marijuana delivery service called 'Green Crescent' that will deliver fresh batches of Mary Jane to the homes of every Muslim New Yorker at the time of Iftar. This is a Ramadan concession he has made to appease his Muslim constituents.

Normally, the public would be outraged by a concession such as this to any one group. Yet, incredibly, no one has argued against this proposition.

Mayor Michael Bloomberg cancels Jummah in NYC

6/28/2013

NYC

When reached for a comment, Mayor Bloomberg proceeded to stuff his face.

After my repulsing experience last Friday at the basement mosque of the Ar-Rehman Foundation, I decided to draft a letter to the New York City Mayor, Michael Bloomberg.

I requested that he help the Muslims of NYC and educate them on proper hygiene as well how to keep their mosques clean. Clearly this goes against the whole separation of mosque and state notion.

AR-Rehman Foundation - Jummah Khutbah?

6/21/2013

ARF
(NYC)

View Larger Map

Salam everyone,

Been a while since my last khutbah critique. I am in New York for some time and will attempt to deliver quality khutbah critiques of New York mosques. You excited? Well, I can appreciate the sentiment, but, there is really nothing to be excited about today. For today was a tragedy. A very smelly one.

Check out the map to the left for this mosque's exact coordinate, just in case you can't follow your nose to it.

So-So Khutbah at MEC... Could have been worse.

4/19/2013

MEC	I returned to MEC today for their Jummah Khutbah. I never like going here, but I am an optimist and really want people to succeed, even if they tend to be the obstacles to their own success. Today's khutbah is proof of that. The khutbah is transcribed below for your enjoyment.

Back at ICC Yo

3/22/2013

ICC	This week I returned to the ICC mosque for Jummah. For the most part, the khutbahs here are mild and short. Just how I like them. Yeah, so read on.

NYU Jummah Khutbah

3/1/2013

IC
NYU

Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu.

I am pleased to announce the end of my New York campaign. It's been fun, and Alhamdulillah, ALL the khutbahs in the Big Apple have been worth listening to. The last Jummah I attended was a couple hours ago at the NYU Islamic Center. They had a nice little room on campus, couldn't tell if it was a permanent spot, but it definitely felt like praying in a university. All the tell tale signs were there. People loitering outside while Qur'an is being recited inside. Shoes galore. Brothas and sistas trying not to bump into each other while stealing subtle glances at one another. (Yeah I saw that pink hijabi chick wink at the brotha in front of me, good for him, good for him). Not to mention that you had all the typical characters.

Masjid Manhattan - Love the Prophet (S)!

2/22/2013

MM	Today, I attended Jummah at Masjid Manhattan. It's a multi-story building, much like the first mosque I attended while in New York, Masjid Uthman ibn Affan, or better known as the Midtown Mosque.

96th Street Mosque - Word.

2/15/2013

ICC
NY

Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu.

I hope you are all doing magnificently well, Insha'Allah. I do have a present for you all, a khutbah critique, Today, I went to the Islamic Cultural Center of New York located on 96th St and 3rd Ave. It's a nice center and they have a private school that they run there as well. It was a nice and clean mosque, the people were mixed in both ethnicity and perhaps even religious alignment, please continue reading for more insight.

KK is on Safari! [Subtext = Jummah in the Big Apple]

2/1/2013

ISMM

Salam everyone,

As life would have it, I am to be stationed in Manhattan for several weeks, why? Well, that's none of your business. But, what is indeed your business are the continued stream of khutbah critiques. I have successfully chronicled 13 months of khutbahs in my beloved Windy City, I guess it's time to see how some of the other big cities compare.

I went to the Islamic Society of Mid Manhattan, the mosque itself is called "Masjid Uthman Ibn Affan" (named after the third Khalifa), located near 55th and Lexington. A convenient location for me. I actually missed it the first time I tried to look for it a couple days ago. It's just a slender door in the side of a tall building, but it seems to be multi-layered, I know for sure they have at least 5 floors. It's actually very similar to the DIC in Chicago. Anyway, I went in, not knowing what to expect, saw many different kinds of people, some that even looked like me, haha. There were cabbies, business people, food cart owners, the whole garden variety of Muslims, or shall I say, "New York Muslims"? Because there is indeed a distinction to be made between Chicago Muslims and New York Muslims, I will share my findings once I have them.